by Megan Makeever Ali
*DISCLAIMER: 1. Be prepared for a lot of challenging questions. 2. I want to make it clear that I do not intend to ask these questions with a “holier-than-thou” attitude. I am sharing these reflections as a flawed human who has highly judgmental and pretentious tendencies, and usually holds people to ridiculously unachievable standards in my head.
Matthew 7:3-4: Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?
We love to think we’re “right,” don’t we? Not just about our opinions but about people. With the itty bitty snapshot we have of people’s lives — whether it derives from just a few in-person encounters with an individual, or scrolling through their superficial Facebook or Instagram Profile — we think we’ve got a person all figured out. We instantly come up with our own stories about them and judge, label, judge, and label away! *Pssst!: This is when our ego is speaking*
We ALL do this. NO ONE is free from these snap-judgements or their ego. This occurs in every human mind (even Buddhist monks, I believe), and most days we aren’t even conscious of these intrusive thoughts unless we strive to be keenly aware and on the look-out for them.
I’ve been reflecting a lot on snap judgements and labels in the last few months as I observed political turmoil bubble up and BURST into extreme divisiveness and polarization. I’ve never witnessed this much name-calling and refusal to engage in civil dialogue with one another… especially on the internet… and on both political sides. I’ve seen community members and self-proclaimed Christians call each other “libtards” and “idiots” based on very small snippets they’ve seen of the others’ external behaviors, social media posts, and political stances. And neither side received an authentic chance to explain their beliefs in depth before getting verbally eaten alive. I’ve seen people post, “Unfriend me if you…(insert external action or non-action here)” and “You aren’t a real Christian because you (insert behavior here)” and “If you’re not posting (x,y,z), then you are being complacent” and “You’re going to Hell because you (x,y,z).”
As I’ve watched these ego-fests go down on social media, I’ve stopped to ask myself some questions that I still haven’t found concrete answers to, but would like to share and ponder with you all. Are we, our opinions, and our external behaviors not more complex and fluid than being boxed into such strict labels as Right and Left? Christian and non-Christian? Moral and Immoral? Selfish and Selfless? Is what we post or don’t post on social media appropriate grounds to judge and label each other? Our external behavior and opinions don’t make complete sense all the time, and we are all experiencing the world and reacting to it through finite lenses heavily clouded by our own insecurities, trauma, and fleeting ideologies. We are more complicated than concrete and static labels. What the word, “Christian” means to me may not mean the same thing to you. My conception of “God,” “Hell,” and “Heaven” might be far off from your conception of these words. I might interpret scripture through a mystical lens, while you might take it literally and at face value. Both interpretations have their specific and logical reasonings. Can we really know which interpretation is correct? Many spiritual leaders would say, “Ask God, and you will know.” What if we both “ask God” and we come up with different answers? Is it possible for both parties to be correct?
Here are more big questions to deluge you with. Are the judgements we make and the labels we stamp on people really LOVE? How is it possible to love our neighbors and judge them at the same time? Can we love our neighbor but not like them or their behavior? Where is the line between those two words: like and love? Can we disagree and judge from a distance and still leave room for grace, compassion, or understanding?
Most people in our lives just scratch the surface of acquaintance-ship. We have no clue what occurs in their interior world: in their heart, in their mind, at their home… So, who are we to judge and point out all their “specks”? How many times have you initially judged a person or a situation only to discover you were far off from the truth? Are we willing to acknowledge that sometimes there are big “planks” in our eyes? I can think of numerous times when my ego created false illusions and I wound up in a big puddle of humility.
Why am I wrestling with and bringing up such weighted questions? You might be thinking, “Wow, this is all too overwhelming and way more complicated than it has to be. There’s clearly a right and wrong side, and I’m on the right side because (insert personal, moral, and spiritual justification here).”
Well, I bring this up because I think we have a unique opportunity to reconstruct and heal from these last four years of intense political friction. But it’s going to take some serious questioning of ourselves and deconstruction of our preconceived and tightly held opinions, and notions of one another. This involves a few steps:
• bringing awareness when judgement and ego arises
• finding humility by challenging initial assumptions
• detaching from the need to be “right”
• getting curious about our neighbors before letting anger and self-righteousness drive our words, actions, and reactions
We must dig deeper in our dialogue and openly ask our perceived other sincere questions about their beliefs, behaviors, and stances, instead of instantly making up stories. We don’t have to like them, be their friend at the end, or on any terms even agree. But we just might learn something new that will help us see them as a living and breathing human-being instead of an enemy. We might even end up agreeing on something and working together to find a solution based on shared values. We might even see them as a fellow child of God.