by Kerry Williams
It’s March 17, which means it’s Saint Patrick’s Day. And, for a kid like me who grew up near Boston, that’s a holiday you make sure to celebrate!
In my town you were either Irish Catholic, Italian Catholic, or something else. I was in the something else category, coming from German Lutheran stock on both sides. I once had a girl from high school ask why I worshipped the Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. So that’s an indicator of how out of the norm my family was.
Anyway, being surrounded by Irish culture and tradition meant that there was always talk of luck this time of year. In my family, however, there was no such thing as luck. “There are no coincidences!” my mother used to say. She believed in fate. The way she understood destiny came across as passive, in the sense that whatever is meant to be will be. So when something good happened, it was not lucky, but the universe turning in its own unfathomable way.
Then I met my future husband in college, and was shocked at how offended he was at this way of seeing the world. He also thought there was no such thing as luck, but for him that’s because everything that you produce in life is a result of your hard work and determined effort. He believes that life is to be taken by the horns and decisions made actively. The worst thing you can do is wait to see what might happen because then you’re throwing away your power to choose. He is firmly in the camp of “You make your own luck!”
It took me years to balance these opposing beliefs and find the place where I am comfortable, which is pretty much smack dab in the middle. What does that look like? It means I wrestle with decisions actively, but hold off until I get the feeling that it’s “right” somehow. I don’t necessarily recommend this – it’s exhausting! – but it’s the only way I can forge ahead in life, so that’s what I’ve settled on.
I thought I had found the Third Way in the luck debate, but lo and behold, as my relationship with my husband’s family deepened living here in Montana with them, I was exposed to an entirely different concept of luck, and that was “being blessed.” Again, I encountered people who don’t believe in luck, but for them it’s because any good thing that happens is God rewarding faithful behavior. I was always under the impression that being blessed was more in line with grace, as if God sprinkles his gifts around randomly and if one happens to land on you then be thankful! It took me a long time to understand that being blessed for some people is an accomplishment that they feel they have done something to deserve.
So where does that leave me? For one thing, grappling with luck on a daily basis. I am thankful that having kids introduced me to the children’s book Zen Shorts. In the book, Stillwater the panda tells stories that demonstrate Zen concepts, and the one that sticks with me most is about a farmer whose horse runs away and his neighbors say “such bad luck!” When the horse returns with two other horses, the neighbors say “such good luck!” When the farmer’s son gets thrown from one of the wild horses and breaks his leg, the neighbors again say “such bad luck!” but when the military comes to take young men off to war and pass him by, they flip back to “such good luck!” The farmer’s response each time as to whether his luck is good or bad is simply “maybe.”
So maybe I believe in luck and maybe I don’t. What I appreciate is that each person sees the world through their own lens, and I guess the degree to which you put on shamrock colored glasses is just one piece of that puzzle. Just know that I wish you good luck on the path ahead of you, whatever that means!
— Kerry Williams serves as Vice Moderator for Pilgrim Church