by Rev. Danielle Rogers
This morning I was excited. Today marks the beginning of our denominations General Synod and I once again am a delegate representing the Montana Northern Wyoming Conference. It is a great honor; having already attended in 2017 I looked forward to amazing preaching, speakers and voting on resolutions that are impactful and create wider dialogue with the world.
As I looked on the online platform on the UCC website, my husband read a Facebook post about a dear friends passing. I was shocked and instantly grabbed my phone to gather information hoping he was wrong but knowing in my heart she had passed.
There is a moment that happens when you find out someone you loved has passed, instant disbelief, shock, confusion even anger can arise. It is a otherworldly experience and I experienced all those feelings simultaneously.
Suddenly the excitement had turned into profound grief. The kind that makes you weep large bulbous tears while small mountains of tissues pile around you.
My dear friend was a constant loving figure in my life. She lived in the same NYC apartment as me as a child and, as the story was told, was present with my Mom during my first steps. I was told they were watching the Odd Couple on television and I had gotten up and walked away. My mom turned and asked where I was and then I came walking towards them.
She was there ten years ago as I married the love of my life, traveling from NYC despite living with significant health conditions. She was also a constant place for solace during my Mother's passing, providing comforting words and love.
Unfortunately my friends health continued to decline over the years. Infections and multiple trips to the hospital left her in need of dialysis. I prayed for a kidney transplant so she could regain her independence and enjoy her retirement after working as a professional artist and head librarian at the New York City Public Library in the Young Adult section. She spent most of her life in St. Louis but spent a month or two in her NYC apartment during Christmas.
Last winter I told her I had a strong premonition through prayer that she would receive her transplant. I reminded her how faithful she had been and felt she would be blessed. She wanted o resume her life and travel to Paris. She had lived with Kidney disease for over four years receiving dialysis three times a week. Last month the good news came through and her transplant was scheduled. On July 3, she passed from complications from the transplant.
There are many instances in Psalms where the Israelites weep in despair, soul crushing grief, filling the land with their tears and prayers. It is seen in the Gospels as well. In Luke 7:36-39, a broken, sobbing, unnamed woman enters the home where Jesus is dining. She anoints his feet with oil and tears, wiping them with her hair. In John another interpretation, “It was the Mary who anointed the Lord with ointment, and wiped His feet with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was sick” (John 11:2). Finally it came full circle when Jesus was taken from the cross and laid in a tomb, “Mary Magdalene was there, and the other Mary, sitting opposite the grave” (Matthew 27:61) I try to imagine the grief of these two women, a mother whom carried her son in her womb and a beloved disciple of Jesus. Both taking time to grieve his death and have it wash over them, bathing in their despair. They didn't hide from it they lived with it.
As I grieve I am watching the General Synod Zoom meeting where various resolutions condemning racism and equating it as a Public Health Issue got passed. Joyful glee fills my heart and I remember you can live with glee and grief. While I had hoped my friend could regain her life after her transplant, I realized she never lost her life. She lived with joyfulness, attending art exhibitions, redesigning her family home, visiting friends, drinking strong coffee, and venturing to new bakeries when she could. She lived to the best of her ability and with optimism. She did indeed get her transplant and although unexpected, she regained a new life full in spirit and in the loving arms of God and all the relatives and friends whom awaited her. I love you dearly Ms. Sandra Payne. May you rest in glory.
— Rev. Danielle Rogers serves as Pilgrim’s Christian Education Director