by Wendy Morical
The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
— Rumi, from Rumi: Selected Poems, trans Coleman Barks
Children are taught from an early age to love others as they love themselves. This is a Christian lesson that derives from the gospel of Mark, although it becomes a cultural universal when it morphs into the Golden Rule, connecting people across all lands and faiths.
The second [commandment] is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” (Matthew 22:39, NIV)
This succinct admonition is intended to serve as a reminder to be as kind to all humans — including those we don’t know or don’t even like — as we are to ourselves. It’s a reminder to not be selfish in our love.
In the day-to-day reality of being human, however, many of us don’t act as though we love ourselves. We find fault with ourselves, are disappointed in ourselves, and act in ways that are not representations of our true selves. We can be our own worst critics, rather than seeing ourselves through eyes of love and acceptance.
Months ago, in our service on March 14, Edis and Cliff shared a song written by Karen Drucker that reminded us to be gentle with ourselves. The lyric “I will hold myself like a newborn baby child” was particularly poignant because those of us who are parents — and, here in Bozeman, I might even include dog parents — know that a loving parent’s heart doesn’t feel disappointed or find fault; it lifts up and cherishes the good, and gently redirects the less-welcome behaviors. What if we could love ourselves as if we were cherished in the way a newborn is cherished?
I believe we don’t need to love others as we love ourselves, we need to love them better.
In the meantime, we can work toward loving ourselves as whole, conflicted, imperfect, and wonderful beings. As Rumi suggests in “The Guest House” we can embrace the aspects of our lives that do not align with our expectations for ourselves or do not feel comfortable to us. We can welcome and entertain all elements of our experience – and be gentle with ourselves when we fall short of our self-imposed expectations. Then, perhaps, we can love ourselves as much as we love others.
— Wendy Morical services as Moderator for Pilgrim Church