By Susan Wordal
In June, I found myself torn by my desire to get on with Spring and Summer, and by my feeling that the cold, rainy days of what can only be described as Winter hanging on by his fingernails is indicative of my present mood when it comes to the current state of the law and politics. Being a lawyer, I’ve always believed in the law. It is supposed to be able to objectively look at things and keep us from imploding, settling disputes between parties or factions without regard to who you like or who has the most money. But of late, it seems to be nothing more than another avenue for division and rancor, persuaded by those with “power”. The law, of late, is not being seen in its finest new suit nor is it demonstrating its ability to be objective and fair. But then, fair is often in the eye of the beholder.
Curiously, an event I participated in at the end of May helped a little with my outlook. The Etiquette Dinner for the Youth at Pilgrim on May 27th was a good reminder of what the promise of Spring and Summer hold. Fresh faces entered the Boyd Room not really knowing what to expect. They weren’t sure what this Adulting Class was all about and they clung to their siblings or friends as they waited to see what this “etiquette” thing was all about. Meanwhile, members of Pilgrim had created a lovely environment, with gracefully set tables and a display of elegant desserts with a Parisian backdrop and music playing in the background. We added to it when I set up a more formal table setting with fine china and glassware for them to see a different example of a table setting from the one they would use that night. I took the time to explain the various glasses, silver and plates arrayed for their examination.
The youth varied in age and experience, but they were far more attentive and polite than our “Lindy”, the guest invited to do whatever was the opposite of proper and appropriate. The guests assumed their seats and attempted to learn how to properly hold their tableware, keep their napkins on their laps (slippery little things kept sliding off some laps!), and hold conversations. Given that the tables were set in a row, and I was the lone adult to teach them etiquette, those at the tables on either side of me found it necessary to ask questions which might have been better to ask as an aside, but they did well in asking intelligent questions and looking for answers for what may have been, for them, a first in dining in a more formal way. Few elbows made an appearance on the tables, and they all sought permission to leave the table and they spoke kindly to the servers as they were asked questions such as “May I take your plate?”.
These new generations are a blessing. As we teach what we know, and learn from them, too, we see that Spring is eternal, both in nature and in society. They are a reminder that we can give information, but we teach as much from what we do and how we interact with them, as we do with any lecture. They remind us we get more by listening and asking questions and challenging assumptions than we do by telling someone “how it is” or taking the “my way or the highway” attitude to something. We worry about our children in this age of instant gratification through social media coupled with guns and intolerance. But they see more than we know and they respond to what they instinctively know is “right”. While intolerance and hate can breed the same, more often, it repels and children seek what they lack. They seek the light, and they seek understanding and they seek peace. They want tolerance and judgment restrained by love. We can give them that every day by demonstrating our ability to listen, our ability to reason and our ability to see both sides and reach consensus without doing damage to either side.
Praise be for the children and for that tolerance and judgment we exert in dealing with our fellow man with love and not hate, with empathy and not scorn, with forgiveness for unintended slights. May it help us to weather the storms which may come and create a new vibrancy and light for our path in this season of change. We say “goodbye” to Mr. Winter every year with the advent of Spring/Summer. And we then welcome Fall/Winter back when the heat of Summer has fried our tempers and our tolerance. Politics again raises its arms, but we have good people to support and faith that calmer heads may prevail. May this Winter find us ready to brave the elements until those storms have, once again, blown themselves out.