By Bruce Smith
Pastor Laura recently concluded a sermon series on change. Intrigued by her thoughts, I began reflecting on another aspect of change. What do we do when unwanted change happens? As we know all too well, difficult things happen to friends, family and acquaintances. Health and circumstances can change quickly to become difficult and serious. And, at other times, it is a slow decline over which we have no control as in aging or dementia. These are all changes but present a serious need for adjustment and response. Why and how to respond are questions that challenge us sooner or later. I don’t pretend to have the answer to a question that has challenged philosophers and theologians. But I did want to share a few thoughts and just hope they don’t sound preachy.
The first was that those unwelcome changes provide an opportunity for us to express love and concern for someone experiencing them. As a Christian community we are called to minister to each other in times of need. Paul writes in Galatians 6:2 “Share each other’s troubles and problems, and so obey our Lord’s command.” Whether it’s a note, a phone call or a listening ear, we have an opportunity and perhaps even a mission to minister to those affected. In some cases, we may be able to do even more by way of helping.
A second thought is that we need to be aware of what others are going through. With busy, often over committed lives, we may not always be as sensitive as we might. Cultivating that awareness may be a beneficial practice in response to others’ difficult changes. Our Called to Care group is a fine example of this. However, we’re not limited to that group. It may be our turn to do some of that caring. Our weekly newsletter makes this easier by highlighting those we know to be having a difficult time. Personal caveat - It’s so easy to let someone else do it and I’ve been there, done that! But I know I can do better.
Be courageous. We may not be closely connected to the people experiencing change and responding at a trying time is not always easy. But responding can be rewarding and in most cases is highly appreciated. I remember a time when I was asked to take communion to a man who was dying. I didn’t know him very well but found him eminently engaging. His acceptance of his situation and hope for the afterlife were inspiring. In taking a step you may find a new rewarding relationship that ends up enriching your life.
Be sensitive. Unwanted changes can be very difficult and different people have different needs. One person may want to unload on you while another is embarrassed and private. Giving attention is important but so is moderating that attention with sensitivity.
Prayer is powerful. It is one of the special ministries that sets us apart from other groups. We have access to more than ourselves when going to prayer. And think, how many times have we heard how our prayers and congregational support have helped people through a tough time?
And then there are those times when we are the ones experiencing a difficult change. At those times we may need to share our need and be willing to accept the care and support of other people. I haven’t yet had that experience but through conversations with others, understand that it’s not easy. After years of being the provider, it’s difficult to transition by becoming the gracious recipient of support. My guess is that it takes a humble spirit, acceptance, and a certain reluctant courage to graciously accept a helping hand and/or an attentive ear.
In such times, there is also a need for that most difficult of virtues – patience. Recovery or acceptance takes time and that time is not easy. I have a good friend recovering, slowly, from hip surgery. During a recent chat we agreed, with some laughter, that it required a skill in which neither of us excelled.
Paul may sum up how we might handle unwelcome change in our own lives with these words, “Rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation and continuing in constant prayer.”
And through all of the above there is a need for faith that we are loved and supported by a caring God. We may need that faith to take the next step (or dare I say change) to minister to someone and we’ll certainly need it when our own circumstance changes for the worse. I’ll close with words from Paul in Colossians 3:12, that would seem to apply to changes in whatever shape they come. “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” Wise words for dealing with those unwelcome changes!