Dilynn recently came “down the mountain” from Camp Mimanagish for a quick overnight to do some shopping for a few items rather than a large, restaurant-quantity of items. Luckily for me, it happened to coincide with the weekend when my car was in the shop being fixed and they had called on Wednesday to tell me that they found additional damage that would change the estimate and would result in them waiting for parts to come in. Which meant that I wouldn’t have my car until sometime the following week. Hmmm. How to get to church for a quick pick-up choir practice before the service and bell practice after the service when I don’t have a car?? Dilynn to the rescue!!
Her visit reminded me about how much I actually enjoy my adult child living with me. I mean, I enjoyed some parts of her first 18 years, but the joy is watching her as she has matured after being away from home for several years. And, watching her as she has taken a few risks and stepped out of her comfort zone and tried her hand at a few different things.
We parents are usually encouraged to push our chicklets out of the nest so they can fly. And for the most part, this is a good thing. But the question every parent who has all their kids out of the nest faces is: What do I do now that the kids are gone?
There’s something to be said for families which embrace the multi-generational household. There were benefits to that practice in years and decades gone by. Parents gradually shifted to being the “elders” of the house, but letting the next generation take the lead in managing the house, making decisions, etc. The elders had earned the right to sit back and have someone take care of them. It’s become the conundrum for families as we see this practice being lost due to the opportunities available to our children outside their hometowns, resulting in families being spread out across the country or even the world.
I saw this evolution as my own grandparents aged. While my grandfather “Spence” passed away when I was about 8, the rest of the grandparents spent time with us at our cabin on Seeley Lake each summer. We came together to cook dinner, enjoy family, including my Aunt and Uncle and their two kids, and other friends as they came and went. Dad would drive back and forth to work during the week. It was a commitment. But it changed as the “grands” became less able to do the driving, and as we kids got older and spent less time there. Then we made a big change and Mom and Dad built the cabin (log house) on Flathead. Not so easy for the grandparents to come up and stay due to their increasing restrictions based on age-related issues. Then we watched as choices were made to try to find the right fit for them before each one passed. And still, we had choices as my sister and I graduated and started our own lives.
Pilgrim has seen it happen to various members who have had to make the decision to move into assisted living or move into a 55+ community when they don’t want to move away. Others have made the decision to move to be with their adult children, or near them, so they could have that support as age does what age does.
While I’m happy Dilynn has work she loves during these months from May to September, and is in a place which is near and dear to my heart, and is close to family and friends; I’m also happy when she can come back down the mountain and stop in for a visit. And not just because she can cook dinner and schlepp me around when my car is unavailable. There’s a different energy in the house when she’s there. Even when she is in her room with the door closed, watching one of the many Asian dramas she’s become hooked on watching, it’s comforting to know she’s there. It’s fun when she comes running into my room to share something she found on Facebook or some other social media.
I’m treasuring this time with her as an adult. I’m grateful we are in a place where we get along and know each other well enough to anticipate reactions. There’s real enjoyment in the experience. I rather wish I could have shared some of this type of experience with my own parents and grandparents. But then, maybe I did. Those times at the cabin on Seeley gave me a rare glimpse into what it might have been like in a multi-generational living situation. I think it works for some families and I rather wish it worked for more. There’s something to be said for letting go of the parent/child role and just experiencing this connected world generation to generation.