By Mary Flynn
“Wherever you are on life’s journey, you are welcome here.” You may have heard that mantra so many times that it no longer feels meaningful to you, but it is very meaningful to me.
I moved to Bozeman from New York City, where I practiced as a trial lawyer in finance for 30+ years, and where I raised my children. My compensation was based on the clients I could bring in and the hours I could bill, so I was always hustling, working 70 hour weeks. In my world, stress and exhaustion were status symbols. My goal was just to make it through the day.
Our family took an annual ski vacation in Big Sky for many years. When the last of our kids moved out 8 years ago, my husband and I bought a house in Bozeman, intending to retire here "someday". In January 2020 while we were here skiing, however, the pandemic shut down our office in New York City, and my husband and I began working remotely from Bozeman. When it became time to go back to the office in New York, my husband and I decided to stay in Bozeman, work remotely and just fly back to New York when we had to.
When my oldest child was a senior in high school in New York in 2012, she developed a serious substance-abuse problem. Over the next 10 years we tried everything to help her: counseling, medication, five rehab stints, and two stints in a mental hospital. At times she improved, but by 2019 she had a crippling fentanyl addiction and was living on the streets in southern California. I was flying to California to see her, search for her, plead with her, try to rescue her, get her a meal and a bed, or visit her in jail. But I could not fix her. Then, on July 11, 2022, her partner of 3 years was shot and killed in a 7-Eleven parking lot in southern California. In her grief, my daughter agreed to go to treatment (again), but I did not get my hopes up. This time, however, it worked. The difference this time was that my daughter truly surrendered to a higher power. She found God, spirituality and peace. It has been over two years, and she is sober, happy, successful, introspective, giving and grateful. The change has been remarkable.
Last year after seeing the change in her after only one year, I said to myself, "I'll have what she's having." So I started looking for a church in Bozeman. I was raised Irish Catholic, but church to me as a kid was just memorizing meaningless responses. A dealbreaker for me in finding a church in Bozeman was that it had to be open and affirming. One of my kids is non-binary, and I would never go to a church in which they are not welcome. I went to a few services at different churches, but when I saw the two banners outside Pilgrim Church, I knew it was going to be different. And then Pastor Laura started the service with that welcome message: "No matter who you are and where you are on life's journey, you are welcome here." I felt like she was talking directly to me. And then she asked everyone to pause and take a deep breath. I don't think I had done that in 30 years. Just one deep breath in this welcoming place, and I felt something unusual. It was peace. So I stayed for the whole service, and then I came back week after week. There was nothing to memorize. Every week there was a meaningful message. Even though I was unfamiliar with Protestantism and Bible stories, and not sure what I “believed”, I was still welcome at Pilgrim. One week, Pastor Laura referred to the church as a spiritual gas station -- where you could fill your tank and go on your way. And that is exactly how I felt. It's how I still feel every week, and it's how I now understand my daughter’s experience.
I decided that I had made enough rich white men richer in my life, and I retired from practicing law at the end of last year. I felt like I was missing the “service to others” part of the secret to peace and joy. I began volunteering around Bozeman, and I joined the social justice team at Pilgrim. This wonderful group of resolute and effective women dedicate their time and talents to those in our world who are vulnerable or struggling. Most of them have known each other for a long time, but they made room for me at their crowded table and welcomed me to the team. I am truly grateful for being a part of Pilgrim. My tank is full.